How to Decide Between a Wedding or an Elopement?
Wedding vs. Elopement
Stop us if you’ve heard this one before: “It’s the biggest day in your life!” “You have to invite Donna, Harry, and Stephen! You grew up together!” “I can’t believe you don’t want your father to walk you down the aisle!”
Is your blood pressure up now?
If you’ve been recently, or not so recently, engaged, wedding planning pressure is on. Decisions to be made, questions to be answered. Do I want to wear a dress? What do my shoes say about me? Am I being chill enough? Do they think I’m a bridezilla because getting the flower arrangement just so is vital to me?
Should I hire those cool photographers with that awesome guide about weddings and elopements? (We’re biased, but…yes! Yes! Of course, you do! See, one decision taken off your plate.)
All joking aside, it can be overwhelming to figure out the best choice for you and your partner. It’s true; this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience! No matter your choices, you will end up with authentic memories that will endure forever.
Our MO is to encourage you to BREAK THE MOLD and DO YOUR DAY YOUR WAY! It is your special day, and this is no time to let great aunt Muriel make your decisions for you.
Grab your drink of choice, and let’s break down some of those big essential choices. We’re talking weddings vs. elopements, baby!
Wedding
/ˈwɛdɪŋ/
noun
- a marriage ceremony, especially considered as including the associated celebrations.
“Weddings are easy. That’s just what happens in a chapel or church, or maybe outside, with a bunch of family and a big reception, right?”
NOPE! Or rather, not necessarily!
A traditional wedding is a celebration with many guests, usually over 50. They also have an expanded focus to include not only the couple but other factors, such as the event itself, entertaining guests, and incorporating traditional elements. Weddings also often take place at a venue located near family so that guests don’t have to travel very far.
Elopement
/iˈloʊp.mənt/
noun
- the act of leaving home secretly to get married.
Elopements, on the other hand, have historically been just the couple fleeing in secret, often against the approval of some family. Again, that’s not necessarily the case anymore.
In our world, elopements are a way to have a once-in-a-lifetime adventure with your spouse-to-be (and probably a few extra people)!
Nowadays, many eloping couples choose to include close friends and family in their elopement by either having them join them in person or writing a letter that can be read during the elopement. Those make us tear up every time.
Many couples choose to elope at a place they have never been but always dreamed of going to. Can you imagine the romance of a new place to celebrate a new beginning?
Elopements are intentionally small, intimate, meaningful, and authentic wedding experiences that truly reflect your relationship. The focus of the day is really about you two.
But wait, why does it have to be wedding vs. elopement why not mix the two?!
Yep, you can have your cake and eat it too! For an experience as unique as the two of you, let all the norms ago and get creative!
Wanna know a secret? This is our personal favorite! We love telling your story, so why not give yours a little plot twist. (The fun kind you’d want on your wedding day, not the kind involving kidnapping, murder, and other Agatha Christie plot devices.)
There is no right or wrong way to do your wedding day. If you crave a little custom mix of the intimate, intentional elopement with some of the elements of a wedding, there are plenty of creative ways to ensure you’re getting everything you want!
Spend the day having an adventure in a remote natural location, then come back and have a formal dinner and a fabulous reception.
Put on a big ceremony and head out for a night on the town with the wedding party!
Why not elope with your family?
We’re serious; there are no rules! You can even bring your dog!
If you want to learn more ways to break the boundaries of a typical wedding or elopement, check out question 5 below!
To decide between a wedding or an elopement you need to think about who is the authentic us?
Spend some time together and think about what this means. What do you want to remember most about your wedding day 20 years from now? Is it the epic celebratory dance party until two am? Or do you prefer to go on an adventure just the two of you and read your vows on a mountaintop? What are some of the most romantic times you have had together? What were you doing? What type of ceremony would you want to have? Do you feel comfortable sharing your heart in front of a large audience? How do you envision your wedding day? How can you create a day that revolves around you two and truly expresses your relationship?
Because the day you decide to get married- the day you and your partner hold hands and pledge yourselves to each other is about you. Create your story. Spend time contemplating what the day means to you and how you most want to remember it. It will make your day even more meaningful.
Wedding or Elopement has different core values at the heart of the choice.
Traditional weddings and elopements have different values at their core.
Are your friends and family people who would appreciate and enjoy a big party? Typically, couples who authentically desire big, traditional weddings prioritize the value of having your community with you on your day. Often this brings along a more significant number of religious or family traditions. You will be in the spotlight of a memorable, exciting party at a traditional wedding.
On the other hand, choosing an elopement will place more value on your individual experiences instead of tangible things, big parties, and being the center of attention. It’s more about spending time with the one you love instead of the community you love.
You want to ensure that your priorities and values align so everyone can have a wonderful time, especially the two of you! Do you value something different from what a big, traditional wedding offers? Or is it imperative that your extended family and friends are there to celebrate?
Deciding between a Wedding or an Elopement can you cover the costs?
The average Montana wedding costs a whopping $29,000. On top of this, many couples are simultaneously on the hunt to buy a house, start careers, or have babies.
Look, it’s a fact that elopements are much cheaper than a traditional wedding. For most elopements, the only big purchase is the photographer (hi, did we mention we’re fantastic wedding photographers and videographers?)
With a wedding, there might be a wedding planner, floral decorations, catering, venue, and so on. It certainly can add up quickly.
You may be lucky enough to have parents that can help or have been saving away for your big day for years. This can be very exciting with all the beautiful and beautifully expensive touches you can add to your wedding. Or you may feel pressured and stressed by taking money for your wedding.
Remember: You don’t need to accept the money if it feels like a burden.
You must plan a wedding that you can afford. Spare yourself any guilt or regrets about spending too much. Talk about your budget. Talk about what you want to spend your money on. Plan on spending $50-$100 per guest (and some certainly spend much higher!), which covers food, drinks, invitations, and rentals. You could spend heaps of money on a big reception party (FUN!). Why not invest your money into an elopement adventure and conquer 5 miles of trail before the ceremony. If that speaks to you, do it.
Wedding or Elopement can you handle the stress?
Planning a large wedding and dealing with all the moving parts of friends, family, budgeting, etc., can be very stressful for some. I have seen many weddings where the bride couldn’t enjoy her day and be present due to constant demands from family.
On the other hand, I’ve seen many elopement couples contend with grief from family and friends. Some are often very upset that they cannot attend your wedding. You must be good at setting boundaries with family or guests and communicating your authenticity and values.
Many of us have complicated families. The question is whether it is more stressful to have them there or not on your wedding day?
I always recommend having a planner for whatever type of wedding you want to plan. They will be integral in organizing the details of the day. They will take care of logistics, so all you have to do is enjoy your day!
Also, a traditional wedding follows a formula. There is only a tiny handful of standard procedures. It can be much less stressful to have a checklist already made up. Here’s the one that we love to follow on your big day:
- Get ready
- First look
- Wedding party photos
- Family photos
- Touch up
- Ceremony
- Reception
- Golden hour photos
- Party
Simple, effective, works every time.
Or would you prefer to throw all the wedding day rules and obligations out the window opening a window of endless choices? What about your preference for waterfalls, desert dunes, mountain peaks, or canyons? For an elopement, your venue can be anywhere ever in the world you would like to go. Why? Because now you are freed from the stresses of accommodating a certain number of people, caterers, traditions, aunties, etc.
Wedding or Elopement how do you want to spend your day?
We feel like this question is never asked of brides and grooms. Generally, you’re expected to have a traditional wedding. And weddings are fun! But they don’t provide much time for the couple to spend with each other. You are quite welcome to open up more possibilities.
Here are a few creative suggestions:
Split the day: If you both want part of your day to spend doing whatever you want with the love of your life but can’t imagine getting married without your family, this is a great option! You can have a morning adventure hiking to a beautiful waterfall, kayak the rapids, or go off-roading. (Whatever you want, just the two of you.) Then meet up with your family and friends for an evening ceremony and celebration. If you are truly adventurous, you could even show up last minute to the ceremony, disheveled from the hike with a muddy dress! OH, the shock!
Make it two days : Sometimes, there are just too many things you absolutely MUST include. After all, it is a big occasion. Especially if you are after an epic adventure and lots of guests with the big party, consider making it two days. Have one day for your epic adventure with just the two of you and the next to have your ceremony and reception with all your friends and family. Honestly, the opportunities are unlimited!
Have an extra party: This gives you the best of both worlds, an intimate ceremony anywhere in the world, and then come back home to have a reception and celebrate with all the people who love and support you. We’ve had couples have a giant party to send them off on their elopement.
About: Tami Renae Photo & Films
As you can tell, a lot goes into this big decision. We hope you find a few pearls of wisdom in our writing to make your decision more manageable and deliberate.
Elopement, wedding, elopement. None of these choices is better than the other. It’s just about your personal preferences and needs. Easier said than done when you’ve got a whole lot of societal expectation with a side of familial obligation in your ear, huh?
We’re confident you’ll find the best option for the two of you. Remember, no matter your choice, at the end of the day; you are still marrying the love of your life and promising to be together forever. The real adventure starts after the wedding day.
Here at Love Life Adventurously, we are passionate about telling love stories no matter the choice! As a seasoned Montana wedding and elopement photography and videography team, we have had the pleasure of helping couples tell their stories through elopements and traditional ceremonies. Plot twists included!
When you work with us, you get a husband and wife team who wants to bring more to your big day than just snapping some pictures and calling it a day. Don’t get us wrong, we are kick-butt photographer and videographer (you’re seeing these photos on our website, and films right?!), but we are also adventure buddies, confidantes, elopement experts, location scouts, and a whole lot of fun.
Are you currently planning your celebration and want poetic storytelling imagery about your unique love? Have a little look over here and get in touch today!
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